Barb Taub

Autumn PSL** Season Two Years Ago  [**Pumpkin Spice Latte]

I’ve been living in the UK for years now, so I had no idea that an insidious drug cult has taken over America. My first clue came two years ago when my plane landed in Atlanta. A group of young women screamed as they entered the terminal. No, really. Screamed. “PUMPKIN! SPICE! LATTES!” When my next flight landed in DC, several passengers menaced a Dunkin’ Donuts employee who was attempting to close down for the night. “Pumpkin spice donuts!” they demanded.

It’s everywhere. Hordes of suburban white female Americans are apparently roaming the streets, shuffling along in their Uggs and chanting “PUMPKIN SPICEEEEEE”. I tried to escape into my sacred, secure place, the one establishment that makes every ex-pat American groan with homesickness. But the clerk in Trader Joes greeted me brightly with the information that “We carry over 47 pumpkin spice products!”

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I staggered to my…

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